Your 5 Agreements Post BabyMar 01, 2023
Creating and maintaining personal agreements with yourself, will help transform your personal healing postpartum.
Inspired by the life changing book “The Four Agreements”, (which I highly recommend every one read at least twice in their life), these 5 agreements are specific for you in your postpartum healing.
May they guide you, and be a starting point in transforming your life, and allowing joy to be apart of your every day existence.
Rock with me on this one…
#1: Speak truthfully about yourself.
“I feel like a failure…” is one of the most common lines you’ll hear moms say (or that you may say yourself). This is the typical mom guilt that so many of us experience on a daily. But the moment you say this, is the exact moment you move out of your truth.
But what is your truth?
It lies deeper than your memories, further than your imagination, and is more profound than any lie you can tell yourself about not being enough.
👉🏽Your truth is that you are enough right now.
👉🏽You are enough for yourself and your baby, even when you don’t know what to do!
When you “mess up”, be ok with it! This is life! It’s meant to be colorful, wild, mysterious…and fun! Don’t take yourself too seriously. And speak truth about yourself. You are not a failure. You are enough right now.
There are times in motherhood when you feel as though you've completely lost your identity. It happens. But the less you can concretize your identity (meaning the less parameters you can give yourself based on the definitions and labels you give yourself), the more you can feel your truth. It's the feeling of a homecoming.
You don't need to look or search for this. It's already in you. Don't look. Just be. Don't look for something. Just experience. Click here for tips on how to do this.
The energy of the stars, moon, sun, waterfalls, and the cosmos resides within you — literally, not metaphorically. So speak powerfully about yourself and acknowledge all that you’ve done to get to this point.
Oh, and please don’t dismiss the incredible, mind blowing awe-inspiring event that is pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood. You are doing SO much. Honor that.
#2: Don’t make assumptions about anyone (especially your partner/support).
Communication is key. But effective communication is the goal. Especially during your postpartum healing. The sleep deprivation is unlike anything you've ever experienced, the overwhelm is next level, the joy and fear coincide as one, at the mom isolation is real.
Yet, effective communication is the difference between two people in one room having two different conversations with each other; and two people communicating with the intent to listen, not be heard.
Assumptions are the worst!
You make an assumption based on limited information you have (experiences from your past that are unique to you not everyone else), and then you create a story in your mind to coincide with the assumption, which you then believe is factually true.
Once your mind believes something, your body feels as if it is happening in real time (the reason why you get just as angry telling a story as the day the event happened). Not making assumptions is one of the most freeing things you can apply to your life.
Don’t assume why your partner is doing something. Ask! And don’t ask when you’re upset. Don’t ask with the intent to prove a point. Just ask.
And find freedom in not making assumptions about anything or anyone! Trust me when I say, THIS IS A GAME CHANGER!
#3: Go on a date (with yourself or your partner) asap.
Whenever I work as a doula, one of the pieces of advice I offer that gets the most positive feedback is this one: go on a date asap! You can read more on this here.
If you are single, this means you need time to be with yourself in beautiful solitude. If you have a partner, this still means solitude; but also a date with your partner/spouse.
And I don’t mean waiting until your baby is 9 months. I mean as soon as you have some time to get out of the house and go on a date (this can mean 2 weeks postpartum or 2 months), go!
I always recommend within the first month postpartum, but I recognize how difficult that can be with finding help, time, energy, etc. BUT, the moment you can go, GO!
It will give you the refresher you never knew you needed. It helps you to be one with yourself, and if going with your partner, this is the time to TALK! Talk about your dreams, your fears, everything.
And this is the moment to remember how your baby came to be in the first place. Date, and date often!
#4: Forgive yourself more than you judge yourself.
No one is going to judge you harder than you judge yourself. This is because everyone else is too busy judging themselves all day, to be worrying about your life all day.
Every one is in their own movie. You are the producer, director, choreographer, and performer. And you're also the movie’s critic — which you judge extremely harshly.
Making a mistake and acknowledging your mistake is empowering. But beating yourself up about something that happened 5 minutes, 5 hours, or 5 years ago serves you no purpose.
👉🏽Learn and soften your grip on the story you keep replaying in your mind.
👉🏽Forgive yourself, and laugh more.
👉🏽Really understand this: you don’t need to be perfect. Your existence is perfect enough.
👉🏽You must practice self grace.
👉🏽All day everyday, practice self grace. The same way you won't yell at your baby for not walking at 2 months old, is the same way you shouldn't yell at yourself internally for not "getting everything right".
You don’t need anyone else to do this for you. This is your doing. Don’t replay events in your mind as to make yourself feel worse about something. You did it, it’s done. Now forgive yourself, and keep it pushing.
Find thoughts that feel good when you think them. Even if they are totally unrelated. That's probably even better. Remember: if I ask you NOT to think of a banana, the first thought that popped in your head was what? A banana. If you ask yourself NOT to think "bad" thoughts, what do you think you'll think about all day long?
Life is too short to be stuck in a mind movie that's punishment for you. Loosen your grip, find thoughts that feel good, and just do ya thang sis!
#5: Take responsibility for your life.
You are not responsible for everything that happens to you (click here to read more about this). This is important to remember. You didn’t WILL everything in your life by having “bad” thoughts. Life happens with or without your doing.
BUT, you are responsible for how you respond to everything. This is free will. This is freedom. This is living.
How you choose to respond is key to how your life flows.
If you respond compulsively without thinking about how you're going to respond, then the consequences for your actions will always surprise you — and if you don’t like the corresponding consequence, life will always feel like it’s happening TO YOU.
But to respond consciously, and to take responsibility for how you respond allows you to truly experience life happening because of you.
You didn’t choose what happened to you at 12. But you can choose how you respond to triggers at 32. Nothing dictates how you respond, but you.
The moment you accept this (and not blame your response on your baby or your partner) this is the moment you tap into your power.
Yes you are only human. But that means you are limitless, not limited.
Take responsibility, and watch your creation manifest in real time.
What you should do next:
#1) Subscribe to my newsletter below for weekly tips, inspiration, tools, and truthful information to help you feel more confident and ready for your journey into and throughout motherhood.
#2) Click here to receive a FREE copy of my #1 most downloaded book: Birth Goddess. This book offers my top 10 tips to have an empowered and peaceful labor & childbirth.
#3) Start your course today! Join other birthing goddesses just like you who are stepping into their power and experiencing incredibly peaceful, trauma-free childbirth. After working with over 3,000 moms, I can honestly say there is something here for every one ;)
#4) Visit the Freakuency Fit Library. Want more information but not sure where to start? Browse the collection of books & audio books covering pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum. Find what you need to have the experience you deserve.
#5) Click here to grab a copy of "Wild Mama": 10 steps to self grace and love when you feel like you've lost your identity. A very powerful quick read for anyone hoping to add more grace, patience, joy, and forgiveness of self during your postpartum healing.
With love & light xo
Written by Danielle Jai Watson @DanielleJaiWatson
Founder/ Cosmic Doula @FreakuencyFit
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