Release the Mom Guilt

Aug 11, 2022

Moms often feel so guilty about everything we do, that we literally forget to celebrate everything we do!

I will never ever minimize the power mom guilt has on so many of us.

We can feel guilty about anything and everything — whether we believe it’s warranted or not. But once the feeling takes over, it can feel impossible to shake.

I’ve read books, blogs, theses, & listened to the Ted Talks…

And we’re often told that to drop mom guilt, a bunch of things need to change. We need to be kind to ourselves, get outside, talk to others, ask for help, etc.

These are all things we indeed should do, and they can help you feel better in the moment.

But dropping mom guilt has to do with something a bit more personal: belief systems. 

Life is all about perception. And each of us are in our own movie, perceiving truth, reality, and life the way we have been cultivated to do so (through family, upbringing, religion, gender, society, politics).

There are so many ideas that we hold, and if we were to really sit and think about it, many have no known genesis.

A lot of what we believe is just stored information that we haven’t questioned in a while (or ever).

So what does this have to do with mom guilt?

Rock with me on this one…

Beliefs define your life. It defines what you visualize and internalize as good versus bad — in this case, a good mom versus a bad mom. And the moment we polarize motherhood, this is the moment that we categorize (whether knowingly or not) what makes us a good mom or not. 

The moment we define something as “bad” and we do this thing, we beat ourselves up about something that we ourselves have concretized in our minds (whether we want to truly believe it or not).

From here, we become the judge and victim simultaneously.

We judge ourselves for doing the “wrong” thing, and then we become the victim to ourselves. Because everything you see on social media, tv, blog sites, etc, is validating self pity. 

But mom guilt is not self pity — though it can certainly end up there.

So what is it? It's a rule book we have in our minds that we aren’t living up too. And if we aren't living up to these made up rules, we beat ourselves up about it.

And the more we do this, the more our body craves this emotion — cue: emotional addictions.

Similar to sugar addictions, our bodies become addicted to emotions we constantly cue up. And the stronger we feel it, the more the body needs it.

So each time we experience mom guilt, it MUST get more intense for the body to feel satisfied (and don’t think this means you personally feel good).

This then creates a new comfort zone, where we now define our individual existence based on emotions that our bodies are demanding. 

This in and of itself, though, is definitely not something to feel guilty about! Don’t have guilt about having mom guilt! We all experience it, and it’s one of our most powerful lessons! So embrace this right now.

What this illustrates is that, now of all times, is the PERFECT time to question the belief systems you have in your mind and body. It doesn't mean you up and throw everything out the window.

But it does mean acknowledging that just because you “believe” something, it doesn't not mean it’s based on truth or fact.

The moment you can accept that there is way more to learn than is already known, you start to open yourself up to a world of self forgiveness — and this feels incredible! 

To be able to make a mistake or do something you don’t particularly like (ie: feeling anger at your baby, arguing with your spouse, losing your identity), and then from here NOT beat yourself up in your mind over and over...

...and then to release (loosen the grip on) a belief system that doesn't belong to you (ie: I must know everything about motherhood, I should instinctively know how to breastfeed, my baby should be happy all the time, I should be perfect, etc)…

This is the moment you tap into a power you already posses: neuroplasticity.

This simply means, that you have the ability to change your mind (in the moment, and change the way it is hardwired) at any point in your life. And postpartum care/ motherhood is one of the BEST times to really tap into this.

By challenging your own thoughts, you let go of the rule book you’ve given yourself.

Remember, theres no rule book to life! You learn and flow, you live and learn, it’s not concrete.

👉🏽We've barely scratched the surface of the complexity of the cosmos.

👉🏽We've barely scratched the surface on the TRUE magnificence of the body (what atoms really are, how neurons communicate, etc).

👉🏽We don’t really KNOW much about anything. We just theorize with a lot of confidence ;)

This means you have the express authority to just go with your flow and reimagine motherhood for yourself.

And I don’t mean this in a cliche sort of way. This requires nothing on the outside of you to change. This goes right at the heart, right to your heart. 

Releasing the mom guilt is about loosening the grip on definitions you’ve given yourself about how this is supposed to go, how you're supposed to do it, what you're baby is supposed to do, what other people are supposed to say and think about you, and more.

It’s not comfortable — change is always uncomfortable because your body is emotionally addicted. And change requires being stronger than your body’s cravings.

But you’re human. Meaning…you are NOT limited! You are capable of so much more than you are currently acknowledging!

So yes, you can rewire your brain, you can shake emotional addictions, and you can release the mom guilt without having to do anything fancy. 

  1. Starting with challenging your belief system…this right here will literally be the start to a fantastic journey into the world of human limitlessness. 
  2. Tap into your power by challenging your own thoughts. Just because you feel guilty, doesn't mean that you are…and it definitely doesn't mean you have to give in to it. 
  3. Ask yourself, what beliefs do you have right now about what you are supposed to be and look like in motherhood? How do these impact your feelings of mom guilt? 
  4. When you’re ready to challenge them, simply tell yourself that just because you believe something, it doesn't mean it’s right or truth.
  5. And from here, just be. Don’t try to DO anything special. Just exist and feel how magnanimous it is to be alive right now.

Feel your body, touch your limbs, caress your face…and remember you are alive right now. Because this time is not forever.

So right now is the time to create the space internally to live the rest of this life in freedom and not guilt. 

Not only because you desire it, but because you deserve it.

What you should do next:

#1) Subscribe to my newsletter below for weekly tips, inspiration, tools, and truthful information to help you feel more confident and ready for your journey into and throughout motherhood.

#2) Click here to receive a FREE copy of my #1 most downloaded book: Birth Goddess. This book offers my top 10 tips to have an empowered and peaceful labor & childbirth.

#3) Start your course today! Join other birthing goddesses just like you who are stepping into their power and experiencing incredibly peaceful, trauma-free childbirth. After working with over 3,000 moms, I can honestly say there is something here for every one ;)

#4) Visit the Freakuency Fit Library. Want more information but not sure where to start? Browse the collection of books & audio books covering pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum. Find what you need to have the experience you deserve.

#5) Click here to grab a copy of "Wild Mama": 10 steps to self grace and love when you feel like you've lost your identity. A very powerful quick read for anyone hoping to add more grace, patience, joy, and forgiveness of self during your postpartum healing.

With love & light xo

Written by Danielle Jai Watson @DanielleJaiWatson

Founder/ Cosmic Doula @FreakuencyFit

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