That Mom Isolation is REAL!Jul 01, 2022
Ok, so let’s be real. That mom isolation is no joke.
There were times when I literally felt like I was on a deserted island. And let's not even talk about the mom guilt no one prepares you for.
But there was one thing that really got me through. And it was inside of me the entire time.
I remember being the first of my friends to have babies (and at just 15 months apart). I went from dancing and touring the world, to being “stuck” in one city, one house, one room for the first time in my entire adult life.
I was always on the road. Freedom was my middle name! And then I got pregnant.
My pregnancy was not glorious, nor beautiful, and I did not feel excited. I was sick the entire time…I never even got real pregnancy photos because I was always so miserable.
And then when I had my babies…WOW.
None of my friends knew what that meant really…and none knew how to really check on me. I felt like I was drowning in a blessing…it was a weird feeling. I “knew” I should have felt more excited.
But man…it was so lonely. And I felt this way with a husband who went above and beyond for anything I needed, without me having to ask.
I felt so ungrateful.
And this hits at the key word that has truly transformed my life: gratitude.
I can already feel the eyes rolling! Ha!
But rock with me on this one…
Hormones drop post childbirth more than at any other point in the human experience. Your body grew a new organ, and a human, which you had to birth (through your vagina or via surgery). And then your body has to heal…all while you slowly come to the realization that this is now your life.
Everyday…no breaks…no pause button…you’re just sent on your way with no clue on what the f*ck to do. And that's just the beginning.
But I dare not rehash the hardships right now. Because this is about what transformed my mind, body and energy.
I used to be someone who would use gratitude when and how it suited me. I would say things like “I need to be grateful because at least I have a healthy baby.” “I’m just grateful because I could be someone who can’t have a baby.” “At least I have breast milk because I know moms who can’t.”
Basically, I was using the philosophy of gratitude by saying I was grateful because my situation could have been worse. I was not grateful simply because.
That right there is the transformative component.
I had to learn…and am still applying in real time…the power of being grateful simply because. And I won’t even pretend that this is something that happened over night, or that I figured out in one evening and voila!
This is something I have to actively apply in my every day…and it has redirected my energies so much that I quite literally don’t have the time or the woman power to exert energy into any drama, any complaints, any victimization, and any degradation that I had been so customarily giving to myself everyday. (Yup, I’m only talking about my own thoughts.)
So this isn’t about pretending that having a newborn is easy. It’s not a replacement for talking to other moms. It’s not the solution to the obstacles that each of us uniquely face in motherhood.
It’s more like a homecoming…a return to who you already are.
In each day, when I can literally be grateful for just waking up, it tends to keep me much more conscious of when I get irritated at my toddler for not making a grown up decision (it happens, I know).
When I can be grateful, just because the trees are pumping out oxygen for me to breathe in every single day…when I can be grateful for the fact that the cosmos is somehow perfectly working right now and hasn’t collapsed…when I can just be grateful for LIFE, it transforms me on the inside.
It evolves my mind, body, and energy.
Whether it sounds easy or hard…
...the truth is that, the less you concretize your life, the more energy you have to play with. The less “sure” you are about everything, the more gratitude can become a part of your everyday. Your homecoming!
We moms are literally just figuring this thing out as we go.
There are no set rules. And no one is judging you more than you are judging yourself. No one is that focused on you. No one is that focused on me. Everyone is literally in their own world, their own movie.
So when you start to feel like you’re suffocating, like you are losing your identity, like you are just drowning in isolation, just touch your body and remind yourself that you are alive. From here, find something, anything to be grateful for…
And not because it could be worse, but because it’s your life! And it is whatever you want it to be.
The act of breastfeeding alone isn’t inherently isolating. Because for some women it is empowering and peaceful. Being a mom ins’t inherently isolating…because there are women who would say not being able to have children is isolating.
Basically the point is that…it’s all in perception. It’s all in the meaning we give it.
Again, this is your life, your movie. No one can tell you that how or what you feel is right, wrong, or indifferent.
But because this your movie, make it one filled with one of the most transformative energies.
Fill your life with gratitude because we literally don’t know when we will run out of time to do so. The earth is spinning faster, and thus “time” is moving faster. And no one deserves to stay lost in the isolation.
Transform. Everyday celebrate something in your life. Anything at all! Just try.
One of the best exercises I give moms in postpartum healing is the daily celebration. They pick something, any one thing, doesn’t matter how big or small, and they pat themselves on the back. Because more often than not, they’ll be focusing on everything they did “wrong”. Try it for yourself.
And in those moments when you feel like you can't go anymore, can’t give anymore, and can’t muster up the slightest bit of self grace…please, do not beat yourself up about it. When I tell you we all have those moments, trust me, we ALL do.
It’s not about the moment though. It’s never about the destination. It’s about the journey — how you flow through life, how you learn and love through the moments. It’s about recognizing that every second is a chance to try again.
You are capable of evolving yourself every day towards the homecoming.
Don’t beat yourself up, don’t say you’re a failure because you didn't know something, don't convince yourself that your thoughts are truth.
Boss up by embracing your homecoming to who you already are.
And let that sh*t flow!
What you should do next:
#1) Subscribe to my newsletter below for weekly tips, inspiration, tools, and truthful information to help you feel more confident and ready for your journey into and throughout motherhood.
#2) Click here to receive a FREE copy of my #1 most downloaded book: Birth Goddess. This book offers my top 10 tips to have an empowered and peaceful labor & childbirth.
#3) Start your course today! Join other birthing goddesses just like you who are stepping into their power and experiencing incredibly peaceful, trauma-free childbirth. After working with over 3,000 moms, I can honestly say there is something here for every one ;)
#4) Visit the Freakuency Fit Library. Want more information but not sure where to start? Browse the collection of books & audio books covering pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum. Find what you need to have the experience you deserve.
#5) Click here to grab a copy of "Postpartum Depression": 10 ways to loving yourself through baby blues and postpartum depression. Start your journey towards self love, forgiveness, and grace today.
With love & light xo
Written by Danielle Jai Watson @DanielleJaiWatson
Founder/ Cosmic Doula @FreakuencyFit
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