The Only Control in Motherhood: Your Response (not your babies)

Feb 01, 2023

"Taking Responsibility For" vs "Being Responsible For" your life. Understanding the difference can make all the difference.

👉🏽 Have you ever been told that your life is your doing?

👉🏽 Have you heard that you are the creator of your life?

👉🏽Has anyone ever told you to “take responsibility for your actions”?

And then have you ever tried to apply that to your unique moment in time right now…motherhood?

The idea of responsibility (my ability to respond) is something that has truly helped me flow more with life (all the ebbs and flows of motherhood), rather that feeling like a constant swim upstream (hello mom guilt).

But what does this mean and why does it matter to you right now in your motherhood journey?

This right here is about understanding your power as a creator of your life, while at the same time learning to give yourself some much needed grace in the process.

Rock with me on this one…

I can honestly share with you, that the moment I took full responsibility for my life, was the moment everything changed (and it’s still changing in the best way).

The moment I recognized that my ability to respond was my doing, my free will to choose, my conscious or compulsive reaction…this was the moment that I learned what freedom truly felt like.

But what allowed me to experience this sense of freedom amidst how hard motherhood can be, was understanding that though I am responsible for how I respond, it doesn't mean that I’m in turn responsible for everything that has or is happening to me.

Let’s quickly digest all that.

I’ve heard the TED Talks and motivational speeches that tell you…"everything that has ever happened to you and where you are RIGHT NOW is totally your doing". I’ve always understood the premise, but it seemed to be a bit misguided.

👉🏽 How can every single thing that happens to me be my doing?

👉🏽 Does a person subconsciously wish to experience a life threatening illness?

👉🏽 Do people secretly "will" themselves into financial struggles (even when they are born into poverty)?

👉🏽 Does a mother who has lost her baby bring that onto herself?

I grappled with this, because if I accepted that these were all the doings of the individual, then that would mean that for most of our existence, we are working against ourselves.

And this is where the difference of taking responsibility and being responsible really helped me in my journey.

Life never happens 100% your way or mine. And this is a good thing!

If everything happened my way, then what about you? Or vice versa. But there are things and events in life that have nothing to do with my personal making.

There are choices being made in industries (ie: using GMO and toxic fertilizers in our foods) that you and I never agreed to. So when I eat something that causes my body to react violently, was this because I had an attitude last week?

It was likely because an industry is more interested in making money than my well being. Sounds like the birthing institution right?

Thus, every single thing that has happened in life is not something you caused and are responsible for. Sometimes life happens to you without your knowing, doing, or creation/manifestation.

Though you may not be responsible for everything that has happened to you, you are 100% responsible for how you choose to respond.

Life, language, understanding is all about meaning. Words only mean what they mean based on the meaning YOU personally give it.

This is how calling one person “she” feels empowering, while for another it feels limiting.

This is how one person who has children feels like life is unbearable, while another who doesn't have children feels the exact same. This is how religion feels so intensely real for one person and not for another.

It’s about meaning that we assign to everything. And the more meaning we give a thing, the more personal it feels (even though nothing no one ever does to you is personal).

The point is simply this: no matter what has ever happened to me, whether I caused it or not, I am 100% responsible for how I choose to respond.

This is how you become responsible for your own life.

No, you may not have caused the childhood trauma placed on you by a family member, but you are totally responsible right now for how much meaning you give it and the power it has on your life.

If you believe you are the way you are because of something that has happened to you 2, 5, or 25 years ago, then you are living in limitation. Because you are allowing an event (whether real or not) to dictate your life. Thus, you are not taking responsibility for your ability to respond.

The moment you recognize that your life RIGHT NOW and how YOU CHOOSE to respond to it consciously and not compulsively is your responsibility, that is the exact moment you will start to unleash true freedom.

This is a game changer for moms today.

We are trying to balance and do it all — and with all of that, we are still allowing things from our past to be in control of our present.

Thus, we are living in the past in the present moment every day.

The moment you accept that you are responsible for your life right now, and then give yourself grace (not beating yourself up over and over for ANYTHING that you did), this is when you’ll start to feel transformative freedom from the inside.

Remember: to change the outside, you first must go in. And this work doesn't involve anyone else.

Here's an easy example of real world application:

Your partner makes a comment that you feel is a bit snarky or insensitive. You are responsible for how you respond.

👉🏽If you choose to respond with a snarky comment back, and it escalates into an argument...AND this doesn't impact you emotionally or energetically, then all is well. You made a conscious not compulsive choice and you are taking responsibility for the result.

👉🏽BUT if the argument is going to be detrimental to your mental or energetic health, then here is where you make a choice on how you will respond. Not compulsively, but consciously.

👉🏽Your reaction is your choice. If you respond the same way you always do, this is compulsive. But if you take a moment, and become fully conscious of HOW you will respond, then whatever you choose was your free will.

Practice this enough, and it will transform your life! So what do you say? Ready to give this a try?

What you should do next:

#1) Subscribe to my newsletter below for weekly tips, inspiration, tools, and truthful information to help you feel more confident and ready for your journey into and throughout motherhood.

#2) Click here to receive a FREE copy of my #1 most downloaded book: Birth Goddess. This book offers my top 10 tips to have an empowered and peaceful labor & childbirth.

#3) Start your course today! Join other birthing goddesses just like you who are stepping into their power and experiencing incredibly peaceful, trauma-free childbirth. After working with over 3,000 moms, I can honestly say there is something here for every one ;)

#4) Visit the Freakuency Fit Library. Want more information but not sure where to start? Browse the collection of books & audio books covering pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum. Find what you need to have the experience you deserve.

#5) Click here to grab a copy of "Wild Mama": 10 steps to self grace and love when you feel like you've lost your identity. A very powerful quick read for anyone hoping to add more grace, patience, joy, and forgiveness of self during your postpartum healing.