Tips To Help With Intimacy Post BabyMay 01, 2023
Avoiding "going through the motions" with your partner or spouse post baby can be the difference between evolving your relationship, and simply becoming roommates.
Babies change a lot of things. This is inevitable.
We aren’t often prepped significantly enough (if at all) how much changes post baby.
But one area that many of us are missing completely is how to avoid going through the motions — especially when it comes to our partners/spouses.
Babies are unpredictably demanding. And with this unique time comes a TON of sleep deprivation. The freedoms you once enjoyed seem almost impossible to regain. And among those changes include intimacy levels with your partner.
This intimacy goes beyond sex. But if you aren’t even the least bit interested in sex postpartum, it’s likely intimacy isn’t too far behind.
I can already hear it. “I’m just too exhausted to think of do any more work, especially intimacy and sex!”.
And this, I totally understand. The pure exhaustion at times makes it seem impossible to even think of anything other than a break, and sleep.
But here is where we can get lost in going through the motions.
Rock with me on this one…
Let's say your baby is 2 months. The adrenaline phase (the honey moon phase of having your baby), has likely started to wear off.
Now you are in the thick of realizing that this is your new life, you do this every single day, and there are literally no off switches. Whew!
We often hear about how key communication is right now. But it’s not just any ole’ communicating. This is where not making assumptions is VITAL!
The moment we feel something and assume something about our partner or spouse is the moment we initiate "going through the motions". Unless we quite literally ask the question, we make up the answer in our minds. And if we think something, its true! Right?
Once we make one assumption, it’ll get easier to make the next and the next. Until we literally create movies in our heads about our partner’s, without consulting them on the script.
And yes, this must go both ways! It can’t be all on you. I wouldn’t dare say this to any mom!
But once I stop making assumptions, and ask questions with the intent to simply hear and not not be heard (not asking questions to prove a point), from here I must become conscious of my responses to everything.
This does NOT mean you respond peacefully to everything! This isn’t about perfection or perceived perfection.
This simply means becoming aware when you start to respond compulsively — meaning you are responding a certain way because you’ve always responded a certain way, or you do so without becoming aware of the response.
Becoming aware of how you respond puts the responsibility of your life in your hands. This makes you the creator of your life, not victim to it! (Remember your 5 agreements post baby?) And when you are conscious, you aren’t going through the motions!
Scientifically speaking, most humans are going through the motions (which means acting and reacting based on comfort zones, whereby we literally don’t think about what we’re doing anymore) about 95% of the time. Crazy right?!
This means that about 5% of our days are spent in consciousness.
Once we stop making assumptions, something we all do without realizing it, it instantly snaps you into consciousness.
And once you step into consciousness, you aren’t going through the motions. From here, you are in the space to create. You can create a world where intimacy with yourself and your partner is just as significant as any other realm of self care.
This is important because how we set the stage in the beginning of postpartum (with ourselves and partners) tends to concretize over time.
And the one thing you want to avoid is getting “stuck” in a pattern of only focusing on what baby needs — not you and not your partner.
And no matter what any one says, you and your partner are important and deserve attention!
So to avoid the trap of becoming roommates, just doing what needs to get done, checking off the boxes, doing the same routine everyday, reacting the same way compulsively, and assuming anything…you must place value onto every aspect of your life.
Now that you are a mom, you don’t have to give up what’s important to you. Relationships included.
They do, however, evolve and grow (as all things should in life). This means that you are flowing with life rather than resisting. And it means you are snapping out of compulsive reactions, and moving consciously in your relationship with yourself and your partner.
👉🏽Don’t make any assumptions and ask questions to hear (not to just be heard).
👉🏽Be open and honest about intimacy and sex with your partner, and work together to organically allow it to blossom.
👉🏽Check your beliefs about how your partnership "should" be in parenting.
👉🏽Are these beliefs empowering you or are they moving you through the motions?
👉🏽Don’t worry if this seems overwhelming or impossible. The capability to become conscious and not compulsive is already inside of you. It’s simply a homecoming to consciousness.
👉🏽Think about what makes you and your partner different than just roommates. Build on that, and remember what brought you both to place of parenthood to begin with!
👉🏽And lastly, don’t assume that what makes sense in your head makes sense to your partner. No one sees the world exactly the way you do.
We are ALL learning as we move through parenting. And when the intimacy slips, reconnect in unique ways.
All is not lost post baby. Give yourself time! You don’t have to have it figured out right away.
Just be open to consciousness, and watch the magic unfold in your life and your relationship.
What you should do next:
#1) Subscribe to my newsletter below for weekly tips, inspiration, tools, and truthful information to help you feel more confident and ready for your journey into and throughout motherhood.
#2) Click here to receive a FREE copy of my #1 most downloaded book: Birth Goddess. This book offers my top 10 tips to have an empowered and peaceful labor & childbirth.
#3) Start your course today! Join other birthing goddesses just like you who are stepping into their power and experiencing incredibly peaceful, trauma-free childbirth. After working with over 3,000 moms, I can honestly say there is something here for every one ;)
#4) Visit the Freakuency Fit Library. Want more information but not sure where to start? Browse the collection of books & audio books covering pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum. Find what you need to have the experience you deserve.
#5) Click here to grab a copy of "Wild Mama": 10 steps to self grace and love when you feel like you've lost your identity. A very powerful quick read for anyone hoping to add more grace, patience, joy, and forgiveness of self during your postpartum healing.
With love & light xo
Written by Danielle Jai Watson @DanielleJaiWatson
Founder/ Cosmic Doula @FreakuencyFit
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